Its a boy!!!!! This family of 3 will soon be a family of 4! We are so excited and cant wait to meet our little guy!
I knew we had a little boy coming to us as soon as we found out we were going to have another baby. I had dreamt of him coming to our family for quite sometime, which I never really understood why. It was never clear to me with Bostyn like it was with this baby. Shortly it became clear why at our 20 week ultrasound. We found out that our sweet baby boy has a birth defect known as a cleft lip and palate. Call it the spirit, God preparing me, or mothers intuition, but after a few weeks of finding out I was pregnant I knew something was wrong. I think many mothers experience this same feeling of just knowing. I knew we had a special baby boy coming to us. I tried to brush it off. I tried talking my self out of the feeling by telling myself it was my anxiety that I have about everything that was driving this inside me. It never went away. I prayed every night begging Heavenly Father to send us a healthy baby.
And he did.
As of now our baby faces no life threatening conditions, or anything more serious. Honestly, when I walked into that room to see our baby on a screen, and knowing that we were not going to get the news we both so desperately wanted, a cleft lip and palate wasn't on my list of devastating news at the time, but we were both pretty numb. Not only did the staff handle it EXTREMELY poor, but I had my dear sweet husband sitting next to me, devastated. Knowing first hand what his son would not only be facing as a new born, but for most of his life. Feeling that it was his fault. This was because of him. All he could say to me was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." My heart was breaking.
I didn't know how to comfort him. All we could do was hold each other and cry. The only thing I could get out was "Its going to be ok." I didn't know how to except that fact, that people were going to see our baby as "deformed", or "different." That people just weren't going to understand. It was all too much.
I didn't think that I was going to be strong enough to start this process. A process of handing over our baby to strangers to be operated on and be put under anesthesia over and over again, from just a baby up through his teenage years. I just didn't know how.
Then I remembered that Heavenly Father started preparing me for this early on. I had THE MOST amazing man by my side to not only help ME though this, but our son. I knew at that point, beyond a doubt that we were CHOSEN by Heavenly Father to be his parents, and that this was all supposed to be. I felt great comfort in knowing that we were the best family for this boy, and that we had a job to do.
We could immediately feel so much support from friends and family. You don't really know how many people care about you until something like this happens. I don't think I can ever use the phrase "I have no friends" or, "No one cares about me" again, because that is simply not true.
Thanks mom and dad, and Todd and Sann for all your love, support. Thank you to those who have answered questions that we've had so far, and being so willing to offer help and recourses. We've had so many friends who have lifted our spirits and have given us so much love, and encouragement. You know who you are.
This journey starts now. Heavenly Father doesn't stop blessing us or guiding us in the direction we need to go. Were optimistic, and can't wait to lay our eyes on that perfect little face.
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